Start Your Path to Happiness with 5 Questions
Your communities are about you and for you. Having introduced some concepts about community in my recent posts, it is time to talk about you, to help you find your place, your pursuits, and your communities. You work; you go to school; you eat; you sleep; you do a lot of things that you have to do. The demands on your time and energy seem endless. And it gets even worse if you feel the pull of social media and a sort of 24/7 accountability to your “friends” and “followers.” Whether you interact in person or virtually, it can be hard to find time for yourself or for the things that you want to do.
You might remember Steve who has appeared in previous posts. He left his position because he wanted a new balance in his life — no more long hours in the office. But he made a mistake in his approach to his next endeavor because he did not think about what he wanted. He needed to take the time to think about his new direction in a positive way.
When you realize that there is something you want to change, you need a good understanding of yourself — what makes you happy and fulfilled. That beginning to your journey is essential for considering how to spend your time with your communities or on your own doing what you want to do. Whether you work full-time from an office or home or attend school, whether you like to run or golf, whether you like to dance or draw, whether you tweet or talk, are important considerations. Practically speaking, the first step is to identify activities and affiliations that make you happy so that you can focus your efforts on those areas.
There is a series of questions, adapted from the Generic Interview Questions in Essentials of Appreciative Inquiry: A Roadmap for Creating Positive Futures, about how and why you like to interact with individuals, groups, and organizations that are a helpful foundation. These five questions help you home in on your interests and potential direction. As you read the questions, you can write down your answers, use the suggested sentences, or just think, so long as you are honest with yourself in your responses. There are no grades and no wrong answers.
Q1: What do you value about yourself in people-to-people roles such as with a friend, parent, co-worker, or neighbor?
If you want to write down your answers, they could be a list or you could create sentences that say “As a [role/connection], I am [characteristic/strength.}
To help you get started, here some connections that you might have:
And here are some strengths associated with relating to people:
An example sentence might be: “As a co-worker, I am a good listener.” Feel free to add your own roles and your own strengths in writing your sentences.
Q2: What do you value about your interactions with other people associated through a group?
Considering all the ways you participate, think about what you receive so that you can appreciate it and build on it. Note that connection through a group might provide friendships but this is not about the benefits of the individual connection of friends.
A good way to approach the question is to complete the sentence “From my connection to [group/entity,] I value [benefit of connection.]” For example:
From my connection with neighbors/neighborhood, I value friendliness, cooperation, and mutual respect.
From participating in art classes, I value camaraderie, constructive feedback, encouragement, and learning.
As you write your own sentences, feel free to include the same benefit for more than one.
Then look at them together and try to determine, what is the single most important benefit that you receive from your affiliations?
Q3: What are specific affiliations that made a meaningful difference in your life?
Appreciating what has been important to you can help you figure out what you want now. So, consider up to five group affiliations from any time in your life and think about what you received from being part of that entity. There might be one or more events or a purpose or a time that provided the benefit.
The sentence for this question is “From [affiliation/connection] in [year], I received [benefit/gift.]“ Here are a few examples:
From college in 1995, I made close friends.
From the medical support organization in 2010, I received crucial support and guidance about helping my ailing mother.
From the entrepreneurship program in 2005, I received advice on developing my software idea into a business.
Q4: Reflecting more deeply, what experiences or moments that made you especially excited or passionate about your involvement?
Now it is two guiding sentences for a longer response because there is more to include. They are:
As part of [group/entity] I was excited when [experience] because [result/reaction.] It was a [benefit/opportunity.]
Here are two examples:
As part of a leadership training group at work, I was excited when I described my role because, in response, someone in a different department provided valuable insight into the company that led to a cross-department collaboration. It was an opportunity for creativity, camaraderie, and professional growth.
As part of volunteering for service travel, I was excited when the group returned to a location because, the host community appreciated the visit and shared impacts of the previous visit. It was a bonding experience and a lesson in culture.
Q5: What was a group experience that you would want to avoid repeating?
Yes, sometimes you have a bad experience. Perhaps you get one thing from it though — you learn what to avoid. Now is a good time to think about those moments and try to isolate the issue — was the group too big or too small? Did an interaction make you angry? Was there too little leadership? Too much? Whatever happened, it should serve as a learning experience about your own actions and expectations. Make a note of anything that you consider a “deal breaker” for community involvement for you and keep it for later reference.
If you remember my post from June, you will see that you have completed step one along your journey to finding community and belonging by understanding yourself and your interests.
Finding patterns or themes in your answers can help you determine your next direction and affiliations. Next step on the path is to evaluate how you are using your time.
